2026-07-08

I'm in an apartment and I'm choosing an outfit to go somewhere with someone, I don't know where. I can't find anything I like. I try on a black tulle skirt but I feel it's too much. I try wearing a long black mesh top with just a black crop top underneath but it looks weird with the skirt. I have the feeling that I'm a teenager. Then I just know that Bobby is also here and he's about to leave. After he leaves his mother asks me where he went, but I'm naked so I grab a piece of clothing and hold it in front of my chest while I open the door a crack to answer that I don't know where he went. I think my tone was a bit abrupt because she says “ok ok, I was just asking”.

I'm with a girl with Down syndrome. She's painting. We're with someone else, a female presence who's accompanying the girl and looking after her. This presence takes me to a place in a forest where there's a field full of small flowers but she explains to me that it's not a field, it's a lake. The lake is full of painted stones by the girl with Down syndrome and by a friend of hers, and they create the visual effect of a field. I'm amazed because the lake is big and I think about how many stones they must have painted. I wait a bit to see if the people passing by think it's a field and fall into the water but to my surprise they don't seem to register the lake or the field and walk around it. I notice that the stones are painted with abstract art, and that the girls weren't even thinking about making a field, they were just painting whatever came to mind. I follow this presence through some streets and now we're with the girl with Down syndrome, and in these streets there are small stalls with crafts. The woman who's guiding us, that female presence, sees a porcelain house and asks the girl if she wants that house and the girls says yes so the woman buys it. It's a man who's selling it. He says the price, it's €30, and the guide says it's cheaper here. I wonder why she's buying that porcelain house but I don't say anything and keep looking at the objects. Then we're with the Witch and she's giving us a painting lesson, me and the girl with Down syndrome. I'm completely in my own world, immersed in the painting, until the Witch calls my attention and picks up my drawing and demonstrates: I had painted several splatters on the paper and she takes her brush and makes symbols and fills in the blank spaces on the paper using only the paint that's still wet and explains that this is how I should make patterns and fill the space. I watch as she makes a series of spirals and other symbols that remind me of magic and the Rorschach test. I know how to do that and I try to explain to her that I was so immersed in the process of painting that it didn't even occur to me to do what she's showing me.

I visit a choreographer's studio. It's not his house, he's renting a room that's a studio. I arrive and enter the studio and I'm amazed because it's a place with very high walls and an open ceiling and the sky is a light red and it contrasts with the dry green of some sparse trees. I comment in awe that I love the contrast of the two colors. He's Latino and repeats several times that he likes being here much more than at his house, that here he feels inspired. I think it's interesting that he has access to this space through his work and I think to myself that it's a way for reality to give us what we need.

I enter an elevator and there are more people behind me. I'm the first to enter and I hold the door and a lady comes in behind me and thanks me. I know she's part of a group so I wait for the rest of the group. Some enter but then there are others who are talking outside. I wonder if I have to wait for them or if it would be ok to close the doors, and the lady says we can go so I press the button and the doors close.

I know that someone is doing an experiment and they're using me as a guinea pig. They put a device in my mouth and some other things on my body and I'm already tired so at some point I take advantage of them being distracted and I run out of there. I have the feeling that I must be naked, what a sight I must be right now.

Some men are arriving and one of them is quite handsome and I think we're supposed to know each other. I think again that I must be quite the sight in my current state, and I take off the device and the things they put on me and I walk past them and run out of there.

Then I start feeling very unwell, I start coughing up blood and feeling very weak. A friend comes to me and I'm almost passing out. I don't remember what happens, I just know that later I see myself in the mirror and I see that my bottom lip is completely swollen, it looks like I've had botox. My face is huge with swelling and I open my mouth and see that when I look at my face as a whole the lip doesn't even look that disproportionate. Then after a while my face goes back to normal. I also remember seeing a photo of myself before using the device and seeing that my face was so asymmetrical and that it had changed so much since then and that I just hadn't noticed the change.

I end up in a pub with some friends. I'm at the front and I'm the first to enter and they're a bit behind. The bartender, thinking I'm alone, says jokingly that I can't sit at the tables in the back so I don't isolate myself. I'm smiling and I sit further forward and say I'm not alone. Then my friends arrive and I say to the bartender, “are four enough?” And I think to myself, very happy, that I'm not alone anymore, that I have friends.