2026-07-12

I'm in a corridor, it looks like an upper passage because I can see out to the street. It's already night and I'm talking to my childhood friend Filipa on the phone. She's telling me she has an online page with photos of us and that people have been asking for access so she's been giving it. She tells me this as a confession and seems to be checking if I'm upset. I ask if she has my last name on the page. She says she only has her last name. I think about how she has a social media profile with so many followers. I ask if they have any way to identify me and she says maybe through image recognition but that we look alike physically so that wouldn't work. I add that AI also doesn't recognize images that well. My concern is whether her followers can make a connection to me but I foresee they can't so I'm relieved. I also think that she managed to do what I never could, create a channel to externalize our things.

Filipa is telling me about something but I interrupt her because I remember I didn't tell my grandmother I was late for dinner. I look in the direction of her house to see if I can see her but I don't see anything. I know my father is no longer present and my grandmother is also on her way out. I feel her house empty and I wonder if she's still there. Filipa says she told my grandmother and I feel more relieved. I call my grandmother anyway while I'm going in the opposite direction of her house on that passage. She says to give kisses to my mother and I say “ok I will” but she doesn't seem to believe me and I say I will several times until, irritated, I shout at her that “yes, I will”.

Then I arrive at a studio where there's an elderly lady, very well dressed and with neat make up, so much so that she looks younger than she really is. She's working with my mother in what looks like an atelier, and I ask my mother if she's not about to go on holiday and she says yes, today is her last day. I tell them my grandmother sends kisses and I wonder if they heard me shouting at her but they don't say anything. I start apologizing for not warning I was coming so late but they say they weren't expecting me for dinner. I feel empty. My mother is also leaving on holiday. I feel left behind. No one noticed I was late and no one is waiting for me for dinner.

I'm making a metal sculpture in the shape of a cat. My mother is nearby. We're watching a contest where there's a man who's the host and then two more people chosen from the audience to co-host. The task is to match some pieces of music from a Disney album with the song names. He jokes to the children watching that if they don't hurry up he's going to win. The woman next to him comments something like “you wish,” and I think she might have forgotten she has a microphone but she makes a few more comments like that. Meanwhile I get up to point something out on the show and my childhood cats, Mi and Ru, not really them, circle me and start asking for food. Ru makes very high-pitched meows that I know are clearly meant to manipulate me. I tell them I don't have anything for them but my mother picks up Ru thinking it'll quiet her down but she keeps meowing, now normal meows. Irritated, she puts her down on the floor and yells at her to be quiet. I'm startled by the yell and think all the neighbors must have heard it. My mother leaves irritably and then I see my sculpture and she makes some negative comments about it and I look at my sculpture a bit sad and start seeing the flaws too. I notice how the head looks too big and that I should add something to the body to make it bulkier.

I'm at the supermarket and when I go to pay the system doesn't work. The cashier comments that the €2000 I have in my account, she can see my balance, is more than enough for the shopping. She suggests I use a QR code and guides me through filling it in. When I'm filling it in I have to select the address and a room in the house and I put the living room. Then the cashier comes with me to my house. It's a small apartment and she takes me to the kitchen and I open an upper cabinet and see it has a bunch of things inside I hadn't seen before. There are napkins, a box with cushions for a sofa, and a few other things. Before the cashier leaves I show her a sponge that belongs to the ironing board and tell her it's old and I don't want to use it but since it belongs to the supermarket I don't know if throwing it away is appropriate. The cashier takes the sponge and says she'll take it, that she can restore it with a wash. I thank her and say I could have put it outside in the trash but this is better. When we're about to leave I see ants coming out of the entrance floor in three different spots. There are so many and they're coming out at such speed they almost don't look like ants. I exclaim that the place is full of ants and the cashier shrugs and says that's why they're pests. I grab my bag and shake it vigorously to make sure there are no ants and I look at the time. It's 7pm and I think I can still catch the store open to get pesticide if I go to the mall.

I'm with a group of young people, we're in a house with a garden and I'm lying on a lounger while they're doing something and they come and ask me things. A man that looks important, who is the father of one of them, asks how we're being paid for our time. We all stop to think about the question and I think that I'm not really gaining anything from it, the only thing I'm getting is rest but that has nothing to do with helping others. I feel a bit stupid. I understand what the man is trying to instill in us. It's not a mindset of extraction, he's trying to teach us balance, that everything has a cost. He says his son spent 50 minutes on the phone helping someone and didn't get anything for it and could have been enjoying the garden instead. I feel less stupid knowing that this man's son, who seems to know a lot about giving and receiving, still makes mistakes. I make the decision that I'm no longer going to help at my own expense.

Then I'm with cousin Danny and a few other people, including the important man who now has become Uncle Seth. We're in a moving vehicle. It starts getting cold and I want to close the windows but the windows are closed, it's the cracks that are letting the cold in. I look around and see some of Danny's shirts and I think that in the worst case I can wear one of his shirts but then I remember I must have clothes too. I'm trying to change clothes and I find myself in my bra but it doesn't bother me that Danny’s here. I can't find the top I'm looking for and he points to some hangers where I see my top and some of my dresses. I want the earth-colored top but I accidentally grab another hanger with a dress. I take another hanger but it's still the wrong one. The third time I grab the hanger with the top I want. I have a black dress with a flared skirt and I decide to put the sweater over it and cinch it with a belt. I'm still cold and I want to get out of here.

We arrive at a clearing where there are some people camping. I see a sign warning that it's a bear area. I comment to the rest of the group that I don't mind getting out here, that there are only bears but no snakes or lizards. I wonder why I used snakes and lizards as an example since I'm not afraid of either. Then we see an ambulance arriving and I say maybe it's not a good idea to be here after all. But then I see they've caught a baby bear and are carrying it in a little boat. I go to the window excited and comment on how cute the bear is. Now we're outside and even though the bear is cute I know it's not safe to be here. A woman with a harsh voice says that to be here in this area we need to have a bracelet. We don't have one so I start leaving. Danny is inside a mattress and then the bear appears and I get scared seeing it so close so I start moving away and leave the mattress right next to it. The bear doesn't seem interested in me or the mattress so I grab the mattress and drag it with me while keeping an eye on the bear behind me. But he doesn't follow us. I feel a bit guilty for leaving Danny with the bear but I also know I didn't have the strength to carry the mattress, and he inside it didn't even notice anything. As we leave the reserved area we still see some younger baby bears.

Then I'm with Danny and my aunt and uncle are also here. I'm not feeling very well so I start falling asleep. Danny takes advantage of my state and approaches me and for some reason gives me a kiss on the mouth. I wipe my mouth with my hand in disgust. I don't understand why he would do such a thing, but I know aunt and uncle want to control me and that they use him as a pawn. Even though I'm not feeling well I pull my arm away from him and he ends up letting me go.

I'm with John and we've recovered the dog again. I have my cat Suki but she's different. John wants to take the dog to the vet to sort out the microchip and vaccines. I'm not keen but I go with him and take Suki too. We go to the first vet we find and they give us a quote. I ask John why don't we go to the clinic we know where they're super friendly and he says it doesn't matter, that for €38 he can't be bothered. I ask if there's a contract term at that clinic and he says yes, about two weeks. I think that the dog is his and he's paying so it’s none of my concern. I'm not sure if we end up going to the clinic I suggested, I just know I arrive at the clinic and there's an elevator just for dogs. I put the dog in and go to reception to ask which floor and they say just put the dog in the elevator and it takes him to the right floor. I ask how the elevator knows what the right floor is and they laugh and say they're the ones who call the elevator. I leave the dog in his elevator and pick up the cat and we go to the humans' elevator. Our elevator is a disgusting bathroom. Suki starts growling as soon as we enter, as if to say she doesn't want to be there. I agree with her and close my eyes to forget where we are. I ask her to calm down and we get out on the second floor. I put Suki on the floor and she jumps to the top of the tallest cabinet. I think I don't know how I'm going to get her down. I go to check if this is the right floor and I enter an office where John is talking to a man who must be the vet. I'm hypnotized by the man's gaze, it's extremely bright and penetrating and mysterious. He asks John why we came here and he says it's because of the dog and I realize he's impatient and that bringing the cat wasn't a good idea. I leave to find Suki and then she jumps from the furniture onto a thick rope hanging from the ceiling and from there I can catch her. She resists and I say we don't have to do this and ask if she prefers to forget the vaccines and go home. She says yes. I pick her up and we leave.

It's night and I'm with a man who I think is my father but not from this life, and he's a bit drunk. He goes ahead and gets into the car, a small car like a Smart, and then a large man comes up behind him and starts threatening him. I hang back and just watch. For a moment I think the man who is my father is going to start the car and drive away and leave me behind. But then the man says if he doesn't get out of the car he'll smash the whole car and every car next to it, so my father gets out. He starts running away from the man and then I realize I'm in the middle of it too so I hide in a spot that's not a good hiding place, just a somewhat hidden corner. Then my father comes and hides here too. My heart tightens because I know now the man is going to catch us both and I have a feeling my father wouldn't hesitate to throw me in front. The man passes by and I'm surprised he doesn't see us. My father starts getting nervous and starts shouting at the man “aren't you coming then?” and I can't believe he's doing something so stupid. I tell him to shut up but when the man doesn't come after us he keeps shouting and making sounds with his feet as if he's walking. He seems hysterical. I think the man must be so drunk he can't tell the sound is coming from here. But my father keeps provoking the man and shouts if he's scared. I start thinking maybe he wants to draw attention to himself so the man won't see me. The man ends up telling him to stop it, as if to say he's stupid and still hasn't realized he's pretending not to know where he is, and then I realize he actually doesn't want to continue this and I wonder if it's because he realized I'm here and I'll be caught in their dispute if he comes.